He Says He Doesn't Want A Relationship. What Do You Do?

Image culled from Lovegirltalk

Have you ever been in a situation where you like someone, things are going really great, very promising, there are talks from him of eventually taking the likeness to the next level a.k.a, "I want something long term with you", you start to bond with him because he starts to open up to you, yadayadayada..... but then, after a while, the game changes, and then WHAM! Like a huge slap in the face, next thing he says is "I am not ready for a relationship"?

What happens next?....

There goes your hope, stumbling down like bricks, smashed to the ground.

Just like that!

Then you are left wondering and asking yourself questions like 

"What did I do wrong", 

"Where did I go wrong?"

Yes?

If you have experienced this, or yet to, get in here, let's gist!

Because it feels like at some point in life, one seems to experience being in this particular type of situation. 

I have!

 Hence, it makes for such an interesting topic to talk on, and then link it to self love, self worth, and the likes.

So now, anyway,

Back to the question of "if you have been in the above situation",

How did you cope?

How did you deal with the situation?

Because it is no doubt an absolutely devastating thing to hear a guy say.

Especially when from the onset, you both mutually agreed on keeping things open and being on the same page, or agreed to build something.

So what changed?

I mean, is there anyone who'd rightfully choose to like a guy/girl and then hear the person come around later to say he/she is not ready to take things further?

Obviously not! or Maybe.

But let's just assume no one would.

Okay, so now let's get this straight!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy or girl being indecisive.

I mean, to be honest, it is entirely okay to be indecisive. 

After all, life is about choices! 

His choice!

Her choice!

But what is not okay is a person stringing someone else along or a guy that keeps changing his mind like a lady changes her sanitary pads while she's on her period. 

Lol, For a lack of another comparison.

Anyway,

First things first, I think if a guy ever tells you he is not ready for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM!

Take your cue to "come and be going" Lol

While it is honestly going to take every ounce of awesome home training strength in you to not curse and insult him/her for smashing your hopes like a selfish person, train yourself to find the courage to immediately LET GO.

Don't push, don't force, don't argue, just find a way to understand, and of course, most importantly, find a way to give yourself closure!

 Why?

Because your own happiness is super important!

Let these quotes do the bit of explaining!

Yep! Please, having to occasionally question or doubt whether someone likes you or not, during the course of getting to really know one another, is a message in itself!

I personally have come to believe that when guys say this to a particular girl, what they honestly are trying to say in an indirect "I don't want to hurt you way" is. 'I am not ready to be in a relationship WITH YOU in particular.

Contrary to the popular "I am not ready to be in a relationship with anybody" speech they often give.

Guys, you are free to dispute this!

Peep what this quote says for better explanation;

(I can't personally say for the "lying" part though, but it is definitely a possibility too, and you catch the drift right?)

Again, like I previously said, guys are free to dispute these things with valid points of course!)

Now moving on, before you finally decide to let go, or immediately you sense or feel like you are not on the same page with someone again, you have to have made sure you previously effectively communicated WHAT YOU WANT to the indecisive person.

 It is in your best interest to talk about what you want to the person.

If communicating "what you want" eventually becomes your choice, and it doesn't make the person budge, or the person says stuff like "you are expecting too much" my friend just carry your bag and be going still!

Because, the oncoming drama, will not be worth your sadness!

Refuse to buy into the idea that you are expecting too much because I believe that there is definitely someone, infact people, that will accept this "too muchness' someone else complains of.

People often complain of things that have to do with them anyway, and not you personally!

It is no news that guys and girls think and feel differently.

So when a guy and a girl who agree to be on a same page from the onset, get to a point where he one off decides he's no longer ready for a relationship, it most probably has to do with any of this:

• The girl has become less challenging,
• He fancies someone else and does not want to be tied down, hence he's no longer ready for commitments. a.k.a he still wants to play,
• He does like the girl (in the likelihood he actually does), but thinks she is asking him to move at her emotional pace. (misunderstanding),
• Like one of the above quote says, he's lying,
• Lack of proper communication.

All of which can be regarded as excuses though, especially if they are issues or challenges that can be salvaged.

Anyway, 

Truth here is, if a guy says/tells you he wants to be emotionally invested in you, e.g build something in the long run with you, he has to be ready to handle the inputs that come with that.

(Guys often mistake or mix up the said commitment or inputs, with thinking the girl is demanding a relationship right now).

And in this case, commitments here mean, doing things that will help cement this budding "same page" thing, that is supposedly going to yield into a full blown relationship.

This is what I believe getting to know someone better entails!

(the "too muchness" the guys often complain of) 

• Honesty, 
• Proper communication (calls and texting), 
• Carrying the girl along, 
• Openness,
• Genuine Efforts and Concerns,
• Something long term : depends on the exclusivity between the two of you; if you both have defined dating and relationship between each other (We'd talk about this topic on the blog next)
• Please insert what else you think should be included here.

Now if the said person who is not ready for a relationship with you, regards these wants above as "too much", the no brainer here is, you have to sharply let go, allow yourself process the hurt, find ways to make you feel better, cope with the hurt in the best way you know possible, move on, because you deserve better obviously!

Although, at this point, there is one conflicting choice of interest.

After all of the above happened, do you think it is advisable to stop communicating with the person abruptly?

Because if you choose to not talk about how you feel, in the aftermath of him telling you he is not ready for a relationship, he is going to safely assume you are okay with the nonexclusive nature of what he has proposed, and will most probably continue talking to you like "nothing happened".

So what to do?

I'd still believe it is best to slowly let go, don't force it at all, with him!

Do kindly comment what you think would be best in situations like this though!

In my last words, and in essence,

"Love yourself the way you want to be loved, treat yourself the way you want to be treated. 

People will see this, and act accordingly".

"forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you"

P.S; Even Jidenna in his song 'little more' says ... "Let them be, Let them go".
Very apt in this case.

Looking forward to reading your thoughts and comments on this.

Xx

CREDITS

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